I like the kind that stinks!

When Momma Glad takes a day and does the ironing, invariably that evening she has to use to ointment on her back.  So I can always tell when her back is hurting.  This morning over our Bagels we saw a commercial for a new product Blue EMU pitched by Johnny Bench.  The selling point is that you have no more pain and Wont Stink!  So I told mom, "maybe I should order you some of that stuff mom...that way you wouldn't stink"... She responded, "I like the kind that stinks.  That way you feel like you're getting somewhere".

Tell Mother I'll Be There

The story has it that President William Mc­Kin­ley had a special relationship with his mother ..He had a telegraph line run from the White House to her home.  He he received a telegraph telling him that his mother way dying, he sent back a telegraph saying, "Tell mother I'll be there."  Upon hearing this story Charles Fillimore, wrote the words of the famous hymn of the same name.  

Yesterday morning got up and mom was still asleep.  I didn't bother her.  She finally woke up and said, "Why didn't you wake me up?'  I said, "Well you were so quiet and still i figured that you either died or were enjoying your sleep.  Either way I couldn't see the point of getting you up.  I figured I'd just see you on the other side."  Without hesitation mom said, "well I won't be looking for you."  Thanks mom.

All Choked Up

Today I was working from home, so we went to the local diner for a late lunch/early dinner.  After we ate and were waiting for desert (old school rice pudding with whip cream and cinnamon on top) I was playing with an empty plastic coffee creamer container.  I said, "you know, its a shame no one has figured out a use for these things."  Mom said, " well I guess there is something you could do with it.  Give it to somebody and watch them choke on it."  I am beginning to think mom has been in NYC too long.

Sigmond

Sigmund is a little rubber figure that I received as a gift.  A few weeks ago I placed Sigmund in my mom's bed, tucked under the covers with his head sticking out like he was taking a nap.  Since then from time to time mother and I play a little game and place Sigmund in funny situations.  Just to have fun. When I was eating dinner I noticed that made the latest placement next to a Birthday card.

A Pretty One

After Church today Momma  Glad and I went to lunch at an Outback Steakhouse.  It's one of the few restaurants in our area with Parking, so an easy choice for us.  We sat in the section in the bar area so I could catch some of the football game while we ate.  We had a very nice and a efficient waitress.  She was youngish, cute and very busy tending the bar and the surrounding tables.  After the meal, mom asked me to hand her, her purse.  She wanted to buy me lunch.   So I dutifully handed over the purse and put the two twenty dollar bills she gave me in the sleeve with the bill.  She said to me, "tell her we need will need some change:".  I said, "Okay".   Then she added, " she was a pretty good waitress but she wasn't that pretty and I want you a pretty girl." Pause...."Mom!"....

On Display

I was sitting this afternoon with Momma Glad in our usual spot across from the mom and pop pharmacy.  One of the workers stepped outside and complained she had to come outside to warm up because the AC was killing her.  Now this woman is a very fit cute Italian Brooklyn gal.  The store always has an interesting window display.  They have one now that is of classic 70s candy.  Really colorful and clever.  So I told her, "I love your display."  She looked at the window and said "thanks" and walked back inside the store.  Mom waited a minute and said, "which display were you talking about?"  I said, "Mom, she knew what I was talking about."  Mom said, "You forget I used to be a woman....I knew when I was on display."  I said, "Okay mom, you are too much."

Sound Sleep

On one of the many days when I didn't sleep through the night I asked mom how she slept so well.  She said, "Well I always try to take some time to un-lax (her word) a little before I lie down.  I wash my mind of any bad thoughts or worries.  I try to think of good thoughts...happy thoughts and then I can go right to sleep."
Simple...

Ambulette

Momma Glad and I spent the afternoon at Kohl's Department Store in Brooklyn fighting the crowds and the bargain basement organization of the shoe department trying to find mom a new pair of shoes.  On the way home a white van passed us marked Ambulette across the back.  Mom says, "Whats an  Ambulette, an Ambulance for kids?" Right mom.

Tell Me What You Really Think

Saturday morning was a kind of putzing around the house kind of morning.  So mom decided its time for me to put up a hook to hang the pot holders on.  So I find a hook I can mount to the wall and start trying to find the right place.  So I would hold it up and ask her, "what do you think?".  Again I'd move it. "What do you think?"  Nothing seemed exactly right to her.  I have my refrigerator sitting on an angle in the corner of the room.  So I held it up toward the back of the refrigerator, kind of half out of view.  "So what do you think of that Mom?" I asked.  She squinted for a second and said, "We'll only an idiot would hang it way back there."  OK Mom. lol

Drink Up!

Momma Glad and I were at our favorite diner....Old school NYC kind of place....Primarily Male waitstaff.....massive portions and a bazillion deserts.  We sat down to order and our waiter swings by the table and begins his shtick.  He was tall, loud and with more inappropriate bad humor per pound than anyone in the service industry i have encounted in the Big Apple.  Now understand that my mom is a teetotaler....a total teetotaler.  Never had a drop in our home.  Just wasn't part of our life.  So I wasn't sure how she would react to his first question.
Waiter:  Hi mom what are we going to start with
Mom:  I think I will have Decaf coffee with (He Interrupts)
Waiter:  Is it gonna be Scotch on the rocks, Vodka and tonic? No you seem like a Gin and Tonic kinda gal.
Mom looks at me for a second and then responds
Mom:  Yes and that's all I'm having...not eating tonight.
Waiter: (laughing) OK Mom i will get the coffee.